lighthouse

she needed a way out
realized that she had broken my heart far too many times for me to ever be stable
shards of my soul had splintered into pieces too small for the naked eye to see
so she stood
and watched as i tried to piece myself back together
promised me that she would help me pick up the pieces
but she had become FEMA
and this was just after broken levies
where promises seemed like lies when whispered into the ears of those who lost everything
she was my everything
but in reality her words were good intentions
with no foundation

she had never had to do this before
never had to save a man from drowning

but i was drowning
sinking deeper into the idea of us

and there she stood
on the banks of the ocean
sand in her toes
wind rushing through her hair
drinks in her hand
laughing with her friends
but out of the corner of her eye
she was watching

watching me flail my arms
and gasp for my last breath
body being pulled further away from the idea of ever falling in love again

and she was watching
not knowing if she should save me
or let me drown

she needed a way out
so she dropped life preservers into my soul
hoping i could make my way to them with out her help

that way
she wasnt saving me
but she wasnt allowing me to die

but inside i died
every moment that i realized she was willing to let me drown
i died
every time the waves floated over my head and i felt my heart going under
but watched her not care
i died

but then my soul began to tell my heart that its last breath would have to be used to save someone else
my heart began to tell my mind that today was not the day
instead of dying from my own broken heart
i would use my pen to mend someone else's
show where i went wrong
reject love for reality but help build families from my fantasies

see she was just a fantasy
a dream deferred

so i swam
harder than i had ever swam in my life
used my fear of drowning to motivate me
told myself that i would never fall again
because my heart was too fragile
and shattered like crystal when dropped even from the smallest places

she needed a way out
so this
the moment she saw me swimming again
the moment that my flailing arms became rhythmic motions
the moment she realized that i didnt need saving
because i decided to save myself

while she just stood there
watching

i guess my heart
finally letting go

yeah that

was her way out