darkness : #thelightyears

have you ever

found yourself in the dark so long

that you stopped looking for the light

your eyes

forced themselves closed

until sight was not option

every heart

that you touched was so fragile

and broken so easily

but you kept saying

that you found them that way

she was crazy

became the slogan for every failed situation

but you

forgot to mention

that she wasnt always like that

her trust issues

were built

into the fabric of your lies

you said

trust me

but never gave her anything to trust

you said

love me

and that she did willingly

you said

if you loved me

you would trust me

but the logic in that

was similar to the logic in your lies

you lied

because you didn't want to break her heart

but your lies

broke her heart

and you

attempted to mend the pieces

by blaming her for not loving you enough

but she love you

as much as you would allow

she loved the you

that you showed her

broken

bitter

and built on the lies that you presented as promise

she loved that you

she loved you in your darkness

and all you had to do

was open your eyes

and see her
standing there in the light

12:30 AM : #thelightyears

they say it it darkest

just before the light

but nightfall seemed to come so early

and the sun

no longer shines here

here

i stand

holding more broken hearts than fulfilled promises

asking god if she

would ever be able to forgive me

i wrote down every lie that i ever told

on the backs of bible pages

then set each of them on fire

no more telling myself that i will do better the next time

this time

is the only time that matters

so this time

i want to tell you every untruth

and pray that when god hears them

she

will know that i changed

god

i have changed

so i lead

with the only honest thing that i can

hi my name is

paul

i am my father's son

son of an addict

and just like his father

i am

powerless over my own addictions

i have died

more times that i would love to count

only to be resurrected as the same

me

i am afraid of mice

and frogs

and love

fearful that my truth

was never really truth in the first place

only lies

disguised as promises

so

i will no longer promise

i will no longer tie myself to my own falsehoods

i will no longer give you less than you deserve

i will give you truth

the truth

not my truth

packaged up for your consumption

with a bow and a prayer that it aligns with the stars

i am a star

but this time

i want you to see

that in my darkest moment

i shine

just as bright as i can

and i pray

that every night

at 12:30 AM

you still look up to the heavens

and see us

shining

eternity : #thelightyears

tonight i

slit my wrist

the long way

just to make sure that all of my darkness was able to bleed out

my soul

runs dry onto the pavement

until all of my demons are gone

tonight i

died

and the news is going to say that it was suicide

but this

was my rebirth

the rewrite to my own story

this hollow shell

lays lifeless against cold bathroom floors

leaving a reminder of who i no longer wanted to be

a lifetime of bad decisions

i had become someone that i could no longer live with

so tonight

my light

decided to divorce my darkness

and ascend to stand amongst stars

tonight i

let go of past mistakes

stopped building promises on cracked foundation

i stopped pretending

that everything was alright

because nothing

was ever alright

some will say that this

this

should have never been an option

but to a heart with no options left

this was my promise

tonight i promise

to never lie again

never allow my actions

to cause tears to fall like rain

tonight i

pray for rain

so the world wont see these last tears

if anybody cries

i pray

that broken hearts mend

and they will know this was my rebirth

my ascension

my light

deciding that it no longer wanted to be confined by my mistakes

my last mistake

was not taking the time to say goodbye

but this is no goodbye

this is my light

deciding to stand with the stars

and hopefully shine forever

this is where we start forever