refuse

listening

to brokenhearted records on replay
covering my heart in each lyric
as if they were a shield for cupids arrow
refusing

to ever be shot again

this is war
and i have lost
far too many battles by letting my heart be vulnerable
good soldiers

know their own weakness
and refuse to let that
be the death of them
i died

if only for a moment
but in my resurrection
i vowed
to never die again
so now i

treat every situation as if it is disposable
take no chances
i keep
my heart in a glass case
behind a concrete wall
buried deep beneath my minds sensibilities

because i know

i know my own heart
cannot be trusted

it loves too easily
it falls too fast
it opens too quickly
then
without any warning
it breaks

so i
pick up the pieces
and wrap them
in brokenhearted lyrics
as i remind myself

that heartbreak is forever
and lonely
is the nightmare of soldiers who continue to let their heart be a target
i may have lost many battles to love
but i refuse

refuse to lose the war

(paulwroteit/copyright 2013)

secret society of suckers

i

should have never believed in love

or santa clause

or the easter bunny

i 

should have never wished upon a star

or threw pennies into wishing wells

i 

should have never dreamed

i 

should have never kissed your lips

or held your hand

i should have never fallen in love

but i did

i

found my self

waiting by fire places 

looking for something that never existed

full from forcing last years chocolate down because i knew that  was forever

but nothing is forever

some things dont even last past

right

now

pasted whispers on the backs of copper disc and tossed them  as deep as i could

i would have given more if i thought it would have made a difference

but dreams

are lies

and wishes are wasted on children who still have hope

i hope for the truth

and the knowledge that love if fantasy

like santa clause

or the easter bunny

and dreams

dreams only exist when you are dying

and love

love is for suckers

(paulwroteit)

tendencies

it was almost as if
i couldnt keep it from happening
images of you drowned all of my thoughts
as my hand slowly slid down my body
melting into my skin
thoughts of us
laughing over dinner suffocated my subconscious
as i reached into it hiding place
and slowly unmasked what i thought was perfection
i
closed my eyes
images of you and i
together
became more clear
with a soft grip
i began to stroke it with shotgun like precision
i gripped it tighter with each caress
until i found myself at the point of no return
i thought of our kisses
our touches
our long lingering hugs
all of our quite moments
i thought of every reason that we fell in love
and just as i pulled the trigger
BANG
i thought about you not loving me anymore

(paulwroteit)

thank you...

i remember

why i stopped writing love poems

the words seemed to be fantasy

my 

happily ever after 

was the dream of children

before heart break began to change the color of their love

lies

i told myself no more lies

and the truth is

nothing last past 

right now

there is no forever

except in broken hearts

and the time it takes them to heal

so thank you

for reminding me daily

that forever is only a life time when tears are involved

because hurt is forever

and love 

love is what causes it all

(paul wilkinson/copyright 2013)

open letter to God from Adam

dear God
i
started to pen this letter realizing that you already know what its going to say.
i recognize in your omnipotence you probably already have an answer planned
but before you say a word
let me explain.

you have never been alone
even in creations you said “let us”
you dont know what its like to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders
and not have anyone to just talk to
i mean i know i could have talked to you before it all happened but you created existence and sometimes i just wanted to vent
sometimes i wanted to yell
sometimes i wanted to sit in silence and be just adam

but you created me with a purpose
and in my purpose driven life there were times where i couldnt find my way
times where i seemed confused by it all
times where i was realized yes i may be created in your image but i am only a man

now i wasnt going to run away from my duties
because thats not being a man
but there were times when you werent looking that i would hide my face and  cry
i would walk by the banks of the Euphrates and question your perfection
i would ask myself what kind of God is this that would give companionship to everything else
but the one being that was created in his image
he created alone

i was alone
and in my most tender moments
you
recognized my sorrow
and created perfection

you see, i
well i was flawed
my entire existence was created in chaos
loved by you but even at my inception the angels plotted my demise
jealous of the pedestal that you placed me on
i was the only thing that separated the yin from the yang

and while both sides were pulling at my soul
there was she
perfection perfectly personified
she was more than a help meet, she was my soul mate, my friend
i knew from moment that we met that we were destined to be great
but only if we found greatness together
i was king
because you gave me dominion over everything but you knew i couldnt do it alone
so you gave me she
and together we were a kingdom

but then she fell
because i failed
i failed to give the same direction to her that you gave to me
i failed to tell her how it felt to be alone
i failed to be her protector when that puck ass serpent convinced her to fall

but God here is what i need to explain
you may think that i made a mistake
you may think that my fall from grace was just a lapse in judgement
you may think that my decision to disobey the one rule that you gave me was not a calculated thought

but you see she
was my soul mate
she was my friend
she
was my rib
so when she failed
we failed
together

now God
you may think that i didnt think this through
but i
i
i refused to do this alone
again

i refuse to walk the face of the earth
searching for something that i had already found

i refuse to let her die alone
because i failed
to protect her
so God
this is what i really need you to understand
i am only a man
flawed in my existence but created in your image
and perfected in my queen

and i just didnt want to do this alone

your first son
Adam

dear new guy

dear new guy
i probably should have taken the time to learn your name
but it seems like time our has run out
the moment i saw you
walking hand in hand with my girl-friend
excuse me
ex girlfriend
i just assumed that your name was douche bag
but for the purpose of this letter i will call you phil

so
dear phil
fuck you

where as you probably didnt even know that she already had a boyfriend
it is hard for me to hate a woman that i vowed to love forever
she and i had talked about forever
so i easily misplace my anger on you
the stranger that is holding the same hand that i wanted to place a ring on

i never thought that forever had an expiration date

i thought that she and i were like water
so as long as we were never stagnant
we were good
for something

but then came
you
phil
fuck you phil
you were worn on her smile like the end of a good book
she was a happy ending
written in a true story that we were penning daily
but our days became shorter
our nights became restless
her smile
began to attach itself to text messages and private phone calls

we
stopped doing us
because she needed to do her
said she wanted time alone
but her alone time
had her returning home smelling like unnoticeable fragrances
i once even mentioned it in conversation
and she said
it must have been something at the mall

phil she hates shopping
fuck you phil

but i
wrote that off like a one time event
but events are just one night like the superbowl or wwe raw
and this became her life
her lie became her life
you became her life

so here i sit
pistol in my lap
pen in my hand
re-writing my story
re-telling my ending

wondering if she will be just as shocked when she sees me
as i was when i saw you
holding the last hand that i thought i would ever hold

phil
i hope
they read this at my funeral
i hope she cries
i hope that one day
she sees that she killed me for you
and you
you will be holding hands with some other woman
and she will be screaming

i hate you
fuck you phil

i wish i knew you

i dont know harlem
i didnt experience what it was like to be in the midst of a renaissance
i wasnt there for langton hughes or countee cullen or james weldon johnson
i dont know their world
i know their works
i know the emotion that is invoked when i read their heart scrolled against digital pages that didnt even exist when they were writing
but i dont know
harlem

i listen
as count bassie or dizzy gillespie or louis armstrong play the soundtrack for the moment
but when i close my eyes
i dont see harlem

there are no flash back
or cut away to a different time
i grew up during in a different time
when we had forgotten about our struggles
masked our pride with false success made off of drug sales

when i close my eyes i see
fatherless homes
where women are raising our boys to be just like them
i see daughters
searching for love in desolate places
i see our pride being hustled for pennies on the dollar by the same thieves that stole our soul

i dont know
harlem

our children
may never see success like rosewood or black wall street
they may believe that ballin’ is based on bullshit
where success means selling out

who in the hell gave stepin fetchit a record deal
who in the hell gave stepin fetchit a record deal
who in the hell

my children may never hear james brown yell about black pride and understand how it charged a nation living in exile
to busy believing in love taught by lil wyane
and this is not a shot a lil wayne
but damn
where is my renaissance

i dont know harlem

i know that somewhere along the way our queens became bitches then started calling themselves kings
i know that somewhere along the way our kings became dogs then started calling themselves God
i know that our soul has been sold
like slaves on auction blocks
where parts of our very culture are picked apart and mimicked
i know that our dreams
have been placed on the shoulders of ancestors that dont even recognize who we are

harlem,
i am sorry
because i really wish i knew you

lighthouse

she needed a way out
realized that she had broken my heart far too many times for me to ever be stable
shards of my soul had splintered into pieces too small for the naked eye to see
so she stood
and watched as i tried to piece myself back together
promised me that she would help me pick up the pieces
but she had become FEMA
and this was just after broken levies
where promises seemed like lies when whispered into the ears of those who lost everything
she was my everything
but in reality her words were good intentions
with no foundation

she had never had to do this before
never had to save a man from drowning

but i was drowning
sinking deeper into the idea of us

and there she stood
on the banks of the ocean
sand in her toes
wind rushing through her hair
drinks in her hand
laughing with her friends
but out of the corner of her eye
she was watching

watching me flail my arms
and gasp for my last breath
body being pulled further away from the idea of ever falling in love again

and she was watching
not knowing if she should save me
or let me drown

she needed a way out
so she dropped life preservers into my soul
hoping i could make my way to them with out her help

that way
she wasnt saving me
but she wasnt allowing me to die

but inside i died
every moment that i realized she was willing to let me drown
i died
every time the waves floated over my head and i felt my heart going under
but watched her not care
i died

but then my soul began to tell my heart that its last breath would have to be used to save someone else
my heart began to tell my mind that today was not the day
instead of dying from my own broken heart
i would use my pen to mend someone else's
show where i went wrong
reject love for reality but help build families from my fantasies

see she was just a fantasy
a dream deferred

so i swam
harder than i had ever swam in my life
used my fear of drowning to motivate me
told myself that i would never fall again
because my heart was too fragile
and shattered like crystal when dropped even from the smallest places

she needed a way out
so this
the moment she saw me swimming again
the moment that my flailing arms became rhythmic motions
the moment she realized that i didnt need saving
because i decided to save myself

while she just stood there
watching

i guess my heart
finally letting go

yeah that

was her way out

my passover

my passover

she wasnt my type
my search was shallow
my soul was surrounded by superficial sexy
something seen
she was serene
secluded
quiet
peaceful
my pursuit was polished
i pressed for passion
and pretended to pendulum
between player and pimp
she wasnt my type
she showed interest
but i ignored her advances
i looked through her
instead of looking to her
i didnt have time
settling down meant that i settled
sold out
forced to watch my life like an inflight movie
she wasnt my type
she was persistent
so i pretended to play every role except punk
and in time
her passionate persistence played out
and we settled on being platonic
years passed and our paths faded
in opposite places
we lost touch and became
only familiar faces
and my superficial search
led me to sacrificial situations
for us it became out of place phone calls
and catch up conversation
and im just wishing she had been more patient
or that her persistence had paid off
or that my procrastination had played out
but instead she became my passover
and now i am standing on the pharcyde
and she keeps on passing me by
because i...
am not her type

recently recited by quiet da artist AKA Paul AKA ME!!! (copyright 2011)

chocolate tears

they kept

falling like rain into her mixing bowl

the same bowl that was passed down from her mother

the same bowl that her grandmother used to celebrate life

and birthdays

and mile stones that meant more to her future than her past

she kept

trying to wipe them away but

every ingredient reminded her

that she

would never be able to do the same

for her this was the end

she would never be able to pass the recipes and dreams and stories that were passed on to her

so

they kept falling

and she kept wiping

as she mixed the 2 cups sugar and 1 3/4 cups flour and 3/4 cups cocoa powder and baking soda and 2 eggs and 1 cup milk and oil and vanilla extract and

tears

they kept falling

and she kept wiping

but she wasnt wiping fast enough

and she wasnt wiping hard enough

and she wasnt wiping long enough

or some one just hadnt told her

that you cant wipe cancer away

yeah

right into that bowl

they kept falling

and she kept crying

(quiet DA artist/copyright 2011)

Oh My Goddess

simply satisfied by life

she sang songs that seemingly never ended

she was warmth in the winter when winds blew so cold that icicles formed on beating hearts

she was

dandelions dancing in a summers wind in the depths of december

she

was

everything that scripture said she would be

she was my rib

taken from the most tender moment

when i dreamed of life and life more abundantly

she was

sewn into the fabric of my being

before her

i was just

being

my life mimicked something seen on tv

i was that lie told when fantasy and reality blended

but she caused me to live

stretched my imagination past pseudo promises

tempted me to do better

because of she

i

do better

and its more than just sunday worship

because it is she

that i worship

she is my idol

eve to my adam

hera to my zues

sarabi to my mufasa

weezy to my george

florida to my james

clair to my heathcliff

angelia to my paul

queen to my kingdom

goddess to my soul

(quiet da artist/copyright 2010)

its not you its she

not far from fist fights

we stood silently

hoping hate had not consumed every inch of

we

seeking solitude

that could not be found just by migrating to separate sectors of the same space

we

were finished

failed from her first hello

because she

was the thing that motivated my muse

i found myself sulking in sadness

picking up my pen

to purge my pain

leaving was my salvation

because at the base of we

was a broken foundation

unstable in every inch of our being

we were just being

no longer doing the things that led us to love

and she

stood in between happiness and heartache

you pretended that she didnt exist

but our pretending only lasted for so long

because she

was like a house fire

and we allowed her to consume everything that we had become

she

was poison

and we both drank from her cup

she was

death

and everyday we both died slowly

because

she

was you

not the you that i met

not the you that i loved

not the you that i was willing to give my love, life, and existence for

she was

the you

that you had become

she is the you that i hate

she is you

- quietdaartist (copyright 2010)

love lost

i can pin point our demise

something so seductive

in both of our eyes

led us to a place

that we both despise

but you

invited her here

never knowing that her presence would become problematic

we said what we had was love

and she was just

what lust looked like

you admitted that she turned you on

so seductively i stood and watched

as she found her way into your soul

with each word

your body shifted

and couldnt sit still

you stared at me

as she

led you to ecstasy

your hands fondled your buttons

as thoughts of she danced in your mind

and she knew that she was seducing your senses

so she

played with fate until

your heart beat stopped

every word grabbed your soul

and was making you hot

every thought was

touching your spot

until we

couldnt be

without she

we needed her daily devotion to turn you on

so when you found us sitting alone

you swore we had something else going on

but you

invited her here

so sometimes i had to sit

and listen to her flow

sometimes i had to stop

and feel her heart beat

sometimes i needed to be with she

just so we

could help you

be

so when you see me

staring at you while sitting with she

remember that you

invited her here

when you see me holding my pen and caressing she

with each stroke of my mind

remember that you

invited her her

when you hear about our fall and rise

and our ultimate demise

remember that you

invited her here

(quietDAartist/copyright 2010)

sucker for love

i wanted us to be

more than just weekend warriors

i wanted us to do

more before 9 am

than most people do in a lifetime

i wanted you to be my lifetime

but just as the sun rose

on our second lifetime

you compared the grown me

to the child i used to be

and even though i swore

that my past was my last lifetime

you called it my lifeline

said that it was intertwine

in my spine

like a vine

you said that all men are either

canine or swine

and no mater how different

i tried to show

time after time

to you

every truth was just a line

every compliment was game

every sweet gesture just the same

because in the end

the result was so plain

i couldnt get past your last man

and all i really wanted was to give you my last name

so for you i persevered and pushed

the sound of your name

gave me more than a rush

but in the stillness of our reality

i recognized

that i was fighting alone

one way communication cant always go on

un-returned phone calls and text because your heart was still stone

even a concrete rose can only grow for so long

and in this fight for us

i was doing it all alone

it was i that pushed

even though we were well past done

it was i that cried out loud

under the noon day sun

it was i that fought for us alone

in this army of one

(quietDAartist/copyright 2010)

kissing ever inch

we sat

anxiously still

like it was our first time

so much was on my mind

and i

didnt

want

to mess this up

so i

slowly grabbed you by than hand

and

began

hoping you would understand

that i

just wanted to take you past where you had already been

you were my sin

and my salvation

so i

decided to stop with the procrastination

and

placed my lips

against the tip

of your soul

i began

caressing on your heart until your eyes closed

soft nibbles down your neck

as my fingers explored your spine

i jokingly asked whos is it

knowing it was always mine

you moaned baby its yours

and i quietly said i know

its mine

and this time

i promise

never

to let it go...

(quietdaartist/copyright 2010)

the god complex

visions of she

danced in my mind

as thoughts became words and phrases

she was the kei

that unlocked every door

in the midst of my imagination

keeping my sanity just in arms reach

she was my daily devotion

thoughts of she

shielded my soul

she was my protection from pirates

who wanted to raid my heart and leave me to drown in a sea of despair

just the mere sight of she painted pictures of past prosperity and promise

to she

i

promise

to be more than just an Adam

no longer walking with mortals

creator of my own destiny

destined to be more than just great

for even great men have fallen

but she

makes me feel

omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent

she be to me

like kei be to lock

in her presence i am placed on pedestals where beside me is her proper place

her laugh becomes my laugh

her smile becomes my smile

her heart becomes the place where i find refuge

she becomes me and we become us

and because of everything that she releases in me

i become more than just an Adam

creator of all that i see

because of she

i

am

HE

(quiet da artist/copyright 2010)

mission impossible

its hard to imagine holding you

because i haven’t held you in so long

its hard to imagine kissing you

because i haven’t kissed you in so long

its hard to imagine caressing you

because its seems like a millennium since the last time my hands were able to feel a glimpse of heaven

so i let my mind take the strands of your voice

and weave them into a comfortable quilt

that wraps around my soul

and makes me warm

i hold your warm words close to my heart to shield it from the cold of my days and loneliness of my nights

i playfully listen to the way your words gently slide into my thoughts

and make me realize that even though its hard to imagine

its not impossible

{...an excerpt from the up and coming book, QUIETstorm}

(quiet da artist/copyright 2010)

Always is a lie

she said she

would love me forever

when we talked about we

it was always us together

a life full of love

is what we said was our endeavor

but some how our always

has turned into never

i

used to pretend that i didnt see it

late night phone calls past bed times

when the world was pretending to be sleep

she always tried to pass it off as a wrong number

but

the vibration of the night was tied to her soul

and she couldnt find slumber until

the motion of cell phone tickled her mind

so i

lay still

always pretending that her fingers typing out words on miniature key pads didnt sound like godzilla stomping through hiroshima

i knew that seventeen was the number that destroyed my soul

i would listen to each crushing button and count

then type the word in my mind

as if i could tell what she said

three strokes was "143" - a quick way to say i love you

six strokes was g'nite

ten strokes was i love you

and seventeen strokes

was

i love you always

and every morning

just as the sun rose

i found her clutching to her phone like a tourist on new york city streets

fearful that the strangers good morning would go unheard

or missed

or ignored

or silently passed because she was not alone and could not respond the same

so inside i died

and held back my scream

my soul wondered if he

this stranger

murdered our forever

but i quietly moved as if her words were watching me

waiting for the moment

to tell me

good bye

she said she

would love me

always and forever

but now we

stand at the brink of never

because never did i think

that we

would not be together

we promised we would love always

till the day that we die

and today

i found out

that her always

was a lie

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2010)

diary of a disposable queen

she thought life was a fairy tale

she believed that she was born a princess

and would one day be queen

she purposely pushed away frogs, fools, and friends

patiently positioning herself for prince charming

she believed that she was much more than a peasant

so when he(i) foolishly smiled in her direction she didnt waste time

dismissing his delivery

and laughing as if she was out of his league

see her life was a fairy tale

where she

chased after championship rings, champagne flutes, and something called chinchilla

she swore that she would get off the block

because boys with block dreams seemed to permeate her palace

and she was predicted to be the picture of perfection

so when he(i) foolishly smiled in her direction

she paused, posed then

looked because he surely couldnt believe that he suited her status

see her life was a fairy tale

and she sat solo

somewhere between fantasy and fiction

telling tall tales

talking about perfection like she was glenda the good witch

hiding her reality

because she wanted to be queen

so when he(i) tried to tell her that he was KING

she was so caught up in circumstance that she

chased chariots with spinning wheels and ill advised financial deals

she never noticed him standing by her side holding her crown

she never paused posed or pictured he(i)

perusing more than just block ambition

because just as she

was dreaming of being a queen

he

was living to be KING

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2010)

jealousy: based on a true story

i saw you yesterday
sitting next to him
the two of you looked so happy
you looked to be in love
i wondered yesterday
if you still thought of me
the way you used to
when we were us
i saw you yesterday
and my heart turned to dust
my eyes filled with pain
my soul wanted to die
damn
i saw you...

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2008)