undead

by the time you find this
it will already be to late

i will have given up on the fantasy of forever

forever ago

i will have fought every urge to call you

or text you

or drive by your parents house to see if you were there

i will have dated

just enough replacements

to have you out of my system

i will have poured enough liquor into my kidney

to erase any trace of you from my bloodstream

i will have broken my fingers

so i could no longer hold on

to the memories of what i thought was forever

i will have loved you

and hated that i loved you

described you

in conversations as my past

even when thinking of you as my future

i will have died

and resurrected as a different me

determined to never die again

so by the time you find this

know that i died for you

i died for love

i died for us

but i refuse to ever die again

(paulwroteit/copyright 2013)