lighthouse

she needed a way out
realized that she had broken my heart far too many times for me to ever be stable
shards of my soul had splintered into pieces too small for the naked eye to see
so she stood
and watched as i tried to piece myself back together
promised me that she would help me pick up the pieces
but she had become FEMA
and this was just after broken levies
where promises seemed like lies when whispered into the ears of those who lost everything
she was my everything
but in reality her words were good intentions
with no foundation

she had never had to do this before
never had to save a man from drowning

but i was drowning
sinking deeper into the idea of us

and there she stood
on the banks of the ocean
sand in her toes
wind rushing through her hair
drinks in her hand
laughing with her friends
but out of the corner of her eye
she was watching

watching me flail my arms
and gasp for my last breath
body being pulled further away from the idea of ever falling in love again

and she was watching
not knowing if she should save me
or let me drown

she needed a way out
so she dropped life preservers into my soul
hoping i could make my way to them with out her help

that way
she wasnt saving me
but she wasnt allowing me to die

but inside i died
every moment that i realized she was willing to let me drown
i died
every time the waves floated over my head and i felt my heart going under
but watched her not care
i died

but then my soul began to tell my heart that its last breath would have to be used to save someone else
my heart began to tell my mind that today was not the day
instead of dying from my own broken heart
i would use my pen to mend someone else's
show where i went wrong
reject love for reality but help build families from my fantasies

see she was just a fantasy
a dream deferred

so i swam
harder than i had ever swam in my life
used my fear of drowning to motivate me
told myself that i would never fall again
because my heart was too fragile
and shattered like crystal when dropped even from the smallest places

she needed a way out
so this
the moment she saw me swimming again
the moment that my flailing arms became rhythmic motions
the moment she realized that i didnt need saving
because i decided to save myself

while she just stood there
watching

i guess my heart
finally letting go

yeah that

was her way out

my passover

my passover

she wasnt my type
my search was shallow
my soul was surrounded by superficial sexy
something seen
she was serene
secluded
quiet
peaceful
my pursuit was polished
i pressed for passion
and pretended to pendulum
between player and pimp
she wasnt my type
she showed interest
but i ignored her advances
i looked through her
instead of looking to her
i didnt have time
settling down meant that i settled
sold out
forced to watch my life like an inflight movie
she wasnt my type
she was persistent
so i pretended to play every role except punk
and in time
her passionate persistence played out
and we settled on being platonic
years passed and our paths faded
in opposite places
we lost touch and became
only familiar faces
and my superficial search
led me to sacrificial situations
for us it became out of place phone calls
and catch up conversation
and im just wishing she had been more patient
or that her persistence had paid off
or that my procrastination had played out
but instead she became my passover
and now i am standing on the pharcyde
and she keeps on passing me by
because i...
am not her type

recently recited by quiet da artist AKA Paul AKA ME!!! (copyright 2011)

chocolate tears

they kept

falling like rain into her mixing bowl

the same bowl that was passed down from her mother

the same bowl that her grandmother used to celebrate life

and birthdays

and mile stones that meant more to her future than her past

she kept

trying to wipe them away but

every ingredient reminded her

that she

would never be able to do the same

for her this was the end

she would never be able to pass the recipes and dreams and stories that were passed on to her

so

they kept falling

and she kept wiping

as she mixed the 2 cups sugar and 1 3/4 cups flour and 3/4 cups cocoa powder and baking soda and 2 eggs and 1 cup milk and oil and vanilla extract and

tears

they kept falling

and she kept wiping

but she wasnt wiping fast enough

and she wasnt wiping hard enough

and she wasnt wiping long enough

or some one just hadnt told her

that you cant wipe cancer away

yeah

right into that bowl

they kept falling

and she kept crying

(quiet DA artist/copyright 2011)

Oh My Goddess

simply satisfied by life

she sang songs that seemingly never ended

she was warmth in the winter when winds blew so cold that icicles formed on beating hearts

she was

dandelions dancing in a summers wind in the depths of december

she

was

everything that scripture said she would be

she was my rib

taken from the most tender moment

when i dreamed of life and life more abundantly

she was

sewn into the fabric of my being

before her

i was just

being

my life mimicked something seen on tv

i was that lie told when fantasy and reality blended

but she caused me to live

stretched my imagination past pseudo promises

tempted me to do better

because of she

i

do better

and its more than just sunday worship

because it is she

that i worship

she is my idol

eve to my adam

hera to my zues

sarabi to my mufasa

weezy to my george

florida to my james

clair to my heathcliff

angelia to my paul

queen to my kingdom

goddess to my soul

(quiet da artist/copyright 2010)

its not you its she

not far from fist fights

we stood silently

hoping hate had not consumed every inch of

we

seeking solitude

that could not be found just by migrating to separate sectors of the same space

we

were finished

failed from her first hello

because she

was the thing that motivated my muse

i found myself sulking in sadness

picking up my pen

to purge my pain

leaving was my salvation

because at the base of we

was a broken foundation

unstable in every inch of our being

we were just being

no longer doing the things that led us to love

and she

stood in between happiness and heartache

you pretended that she didnt exist

but our pretending only lasted for so long

because she

was like a house fire

and we allowed her to consume everything that we had become

she

was poison

and we both drank from her cup

she was

death

and everyday we both died slowly

because

she

was you

not the you that i met

not the you that i loved

not the you that i was willing to give my love, life, and existence for

she was

the you

that you had become

she is the you that i hate

she is you

- quietdaartist (copyright 2010)

love lost

i can pin point our demise

something so seductive

in both of our eyes

led us to a place

that we both despise

but you

invited her here

never knowing that her presence would become problematic

we said what we had was love

and she was just

what lust looked like

you admitted that she turned you on

so seductively i stood and watched

as she found her way into your soul

with each word

your body shifted

and couldnt sit still

you stared at me

as she

led you to ecstasy

your hands fondled your buttons

as thoughts of she danced in your mind

and she knew that she was seducing your senses

so she

played with fate until

your heart beat stopped

every word grabbed your soul

and was making you hot

every thought was

touching your spot

until we

couldnt be

without she

we needed her daily devotion to turn you on

so when you found us sitting alone

you swore we had something else going on

but you

invited her here

so sometimes i had to sit

and listen to her flow

sometimes i had to stop

and feel her heart beat

sometimes i needed to be with she

just so we

could help you

be

so when you see me

staring at you while sitting with she

remember that you

invited her here

when you see me holding my pen and caressing she

with each stroke of my mind

remember that you

invited her her

when you hear about our fall and rise

and our ultimate demise

remember that you

invited her here

(quietDAartist/copyright 2010)

sucker for love

i wanted us to be

more than just weekend warriors

i wanted us to do

more before 9 am

than most people do in a lifetime

i wanted you to be my lifetime

but just as the sun rose

on our second lifetime

you compared the grown me

to the child i used to be

and even though i swore

that my past was my last lifetime

you called it my lifeline

said that it was intertwine

in my spine

like a vine

you said that all men are either

canine or swine

and no mater how different

i tried to show

time after time

to you

every truth was just a line

every compliment was game

every sweet gesture just the same

because in the end

the result was so plain

i couldnt get past your last man

and all i really wanted was to give you my last name

so for you i persevered and pushed

the sound of your name

gave me more than a rush

but in the stillness of our reality

i recognized

that i was fighting alone

one way communication cant always go on

un-returned phone calls and text because your heart was still stone

even a concrete rose can only grow for so long

and in this fight for us

i was doing it all alone

it was i that pushed

even though we were well past done

it was i that cried out loud

under the noon day sun

it was i that fought for us alone

in this army of one

(quietDAartist/copyright 2010)

kissing ever inch

we sat

anxiously still

like it was our first time

so much was on my mind

and i

didnt

want

to mess this up

so i

slowly grabbed you by than hand

and

began

hoping you would understand

that i

just wanted to take you past where you had already been

you were my sin

and my salvation

so i

decided to stop with the procrastination

and

placed my lips

against the tip

of your soul

i began

caressing on your heart until your eyes closed

soft nibbles down your neck

as my fingers explored your spine

i jokingly asked whos is it

knowing it was always mine

you moaned baby its yours

and i quietly said i know

its mine

and this time

i promise

never

to let it go...

(quietdaartist/copyright 2010)

the god complex

visions of she

danced in my mind

as thoughts became words and phrases

she was the kei

that unlocked every door

in the midst of my imagination

keeping my sanity just in arms reach

she was my daily devotion

thoughts of she

shielded my soul

she was my protection from pirates

who wanted to raid my heart and leave me to drown in a sea of despair

just the mere sight of she painted pictures of past prosperity and promise

to she

i

promise

to be more than just an Adam

no longer walking with mortals

creator of my own destiny

destined to be more than just great

for even great men have fallen

but she

makes me feel

omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent

she be to me

like kei be to lock

in her presence i am placed on pedestals where beside me is her proper place

her laugh becomes my laugh

her smile becomes my smile

her heart becomes the place where i find refuge

she becomes me and we become us

and because of everything that she releases in me

i become more than just an Adam

creator of all that i see

because of she

i

am

HE

(quiet da artist/copyright 2010)

mission impossible

its hard to imagine holding you

because i haven’t held you in so long

its hard to imagine kissing you

because i haven’t kissed you in so long

its hard to imagine caressing you

because its seems like a millennium since the last time my hands were able to feel a glimpse of heaven

so i let my mind take the strands of your voice

and weave them into a comfortable quilt

that wraps around my soul

and makes me warm

i hold your warm words close to my heart to shield it from the cold of my days and loneliness of my nights

i playfully listen to the way your words gently slide into my thoughts

and make me realize that even though its hard to imagine

its not impossible

{...an excerpt from the up and coming book, QUIETstorm}

(quiet da artist/copyright 2010)

Always is a lie

she said she

would love me forever

when we talked about we

it was always us together

a life full of love

is what we said was our endeavor

but some how our always

has turned into never

i

used to pretend that i didnt see it

late night phone calls past bed times

when the world was pretending to be sleep

she always tried to pass it off as a wrong number

but

the vibration of the night was tied to her soul

and she couldnt find slumber until

the motion of cell phone tickled her mind

so i

lay still

always pretending that her fingers typing out words on miniature key pads didnt sound like godzilla stomping through hiroshima

i knew that seventeen was the number that destroyed my soul

i would listen to each crushing button and count

then type the word in my mind

as if i could tell what she said

three strokes was "143" - a quick way to say i love you

six strokes was g'nite

ten strokes was i love you

and seventeen strokes

was

i love you always

and every morning

just as the sun rose

i found her clutching to her phone like a tourist on new york city streets

fearful that the strangers good morning would go unheard

or missed

or ignored

or silently passed because she was not alone and could not respond the same

so inside i died

and held back my scream

my soul wondered if he

this stranger

murdered our forever

but i quietly moved as if her words were watching me

waiting for the moment

to tell me

good bye

she said she

would love me

always and forever

but now we

stand at the brink of never

because never did i think

that we

would not be together

we promised we would love always

till the day that we die

and today

i found out

that her always

was a lie

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2010)

diary of a disposable queen

she thought life was a fairy tale

she believed that she was born a princess

and would one day be queen

she purposely pushed away frogs, fools, and friends

patiently positioning herself for prince charming

she believed that she was much more than a peasant

so when he(i) foolishly smiled in her direction she didnt waste time

dismissing his delivery

and laughing as if she was out of his league

see her life was a fairy tale

where she

chased after championship rings, champagne flutes, and something called chinchilla

she swore that she would get off the block

because boys with block dreams seemed to permeate her palace

and she was predicted to be the picture of perfection

so when he(i) foolishly smiled in her direction

she paused, posed then

looked because he surely couldnt believe that he suited her status

see her life was a fairy tale

and she sat solo

somewhere between fantasy and fiction

telling tall tales

talking about perfection like she was glenda the good witch

hiding her reality

because she wanted to be queen

so when he(i) tried to tell her that he was KING

she was so caught up in circumstance that she

chased chariots with spinning wheels and ill advised financial deals

she never noticed him standing by her side holding her crown

she never paused posed or pictured he(i)

perusing more than just block ambition

because just as she

was dreaming of being a queen

he

was living to be KING

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2010)

jealousy: based on a true story

i saw you yesterday
sitting next to him
the two of you looked so happy
you looked to be in love
i wondered yesterday
if you still thought of me
the way you used to
when we were us
i saw you yesterday
and my heart turned to dust
my eyes filled with pain
my soul wanted to die
damn
i saw you...

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2008)

Creator

she was a GOD send

like a cool breeze blowing through a field of jasmine on a hot summers day

the mere thought of she made my heart race faster than lightning

she was my muse

in my mind

i danced with the idea of us

but she was more than just passing time

she was inspiration

because of she i wanted to stand still and feel the breeze blowing against my soul

to me

she

was the extension of a life lived

she was those few moments between waking up and opening my eyes when life was perfect

she was the only part of a dream remembered

and because of she

i dreamed in vivid colors

i danced to roaring music

i lived an extraordinary tale

i loved

and she created it all

?uiet da artist (copyright 2010)

She loves me not

she loves me
or
does she love me not
i stand in the same spot
like hustlers on the same block
hand clutching the same rock
waist line concealing the same glock
knee deep in the fire and its all the same hot
and she's cloaked in anger saying I have changed not

all she sees is a dope boy

with no ambition to grow

but i am scared to let go

because she came with the dough

and i would rather go fed

than to see her flow

i cant just let her go

there are no guarantees that if i get locked she will stay

but i would rather find out that way

that she was just here for the payday

she loves me

or

so my soul hopes

my back against the ropes

so much so i cant cope

but i would rather

risk it all on one shot with hopes to stay alive

than to die a slow death at a regular nine to five

and just when i think WE will make it if we strive

she leaves me for some d-boy thats all the way live

she loves me

or

so her words say

but how do i go from spoiling her heart every day

thats what got her this way

and i am scared if i stop

if i come off this block

turn in this glock and these rocks

for portfolios and stock

she may

just

love me not

?uiet da artist (copyright 2010)

the start of something

insecurities are never cute

she used to walk with so much swagger
but it came crashing down like nine hundred and eleven towers
her song was wrapped in good times like Wilona with a hot date
but her life resembled Good Times
she was Millicent Gordon Woods
she pretended to be perfect

but her perfection was cloaked in lies

her soul remained hidden behind 2 for 1 knock off shades

like a victim of domestic violence

her mantra was "its all good"

but this wasnt 1994

so she

let his movement eat at her soul

his words continued to chip at her existance until she was no longer the she that she wanted to show the world

she was a frail comparison of her former self

and even when she tried to stand tall

the winds of heartache would blow her down

and the pressures of stress would bend her over

leaving her to question the reality of who she had become

there was a time when she would shun the world

allow disrespectful diatribes to dance around her like dandelions in a summer field

but now

even strangers can call out from car windows

and their crass comments will devour the very essence of her heart

so in the mirror she stands

looking through who she has become

wondering in her heart where she went wrong

trying to pin pieces of her pride back to her character

just so she can shield her self loathing

she tries to cover her scars with make up

but even the good bottle of foundation can not cover her cracked foundation

she wants to move on

and place her past in packages to be left on the curb

but somehow

before the thursday morning pickup she finds her self rummaging through where she used to be

and using those old wounds to build upon

yeah

she says its all good

but the reality is

her reality is

flawed

she paints on the face of a warrior

then the face of a queen

then the face diva

- which by definition is not the female version of a hustler

then the face of "ms. i.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.e.n.t.-i can do bad by my damn self"

then the face of sunday morning service

and without taking a second look

she screams love me for me

but even she

doesnt love she

for she

is just a face

of all of her insecurities

(quiet da artist/copyright 2009)

troubled man

i fall apart
thoughts of you
ravage my mind like a pack of wild dogs
and i
try to remember the good times
when love was love and we stood in the midst of it
but now
we
stand on seperate ends of the spectrum looking at two different outcomes
staying together would have been so easy
had i not shattered like dropped glass
but i
fall apart
laying here feeling as if my soul has been left for dead
decisions that seemed so right at the time
now look like a fools paradise
and i
find myself walking in desolation
my soul begins to feel the weight of the sun
and the faster i walk
the stronger the wind presses against my sail
when we were us
i felt as if i was flying
but falling sometimes has the same feeling
so when i crashed
i shattered
and now i
stand under the pressures of my own existance
and in the distance i see my salvation
but as i get closer
i realize that it is only a hallucination of an oasis for my desolate soul
i
fall apart
and the pieces are not easily put back together again
i am broken to the core
and even the mere thought of you
unhinges the idea of my soul ever being whole again...

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2009)

DAMN

all i can say is

DAMN

i sit ever so still and watch as you

slip into something so sexy that

all i can say is

DAMN

the darkness in the room

is only broken by the flicker of candle lights

and a soft moon beam that breaks through a crack in the curtain

you glide across the room wearing six inch stilettos and something so sheer that

all i can say is

DAMN

you press play

and the mellow smooth sounds of seduction fill the room

i

sit

ever so still

and watch

as your silhouette travels toward me crowned in my throne

and all i can say is

DAMN

you straddle me

and as i began to caress your frame

you push my hands aside and laugh

slow kisses against my neck

as your fingers began to unbutton my swag

you keep telling me that tonight

is about me

and

all i can say is

DAMN

but i know that right now is about you

its about us

its about taking this beyond anywhere it has ever been

so i sit

ever so still

and let you seduce me

with every inch of your soul

because tonight i

plan on.....

pause - i cant help but consider the fact that even in the midst of writing this i can still taste you on my lips, i can still feel you against my frame, i can still hear you moan my name - pause

so i sit

ever so still

and

watch as you

start us down a journey of seduction, lust and love

i sit

ever so still

and admire the fact that you put so much attention in the detail

i look at you

and i love the details

and in the midst of us making love

i pause

and sit

ever so still

and all that i can say is

DAMN

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2009)

beautiful rainbow

her tears

were the color of her pain

so when she cried

rainbows blossomed

and

memories of her past

poured from her soul like hurricanes

she

cried

blue

because most days were sadder then before

memories of love lost

in the midst of lies

lies to big to be overlooked

lies that lingered

and left her in the middle of lonely

lies that changed lives

she

cried

red

because some days were as passionate as the day before

love blossomed in her bosom

and even uncultivated

love would grow like a weed

until swings from his fist

would tear through her soul like paper

she

cried

yellow

because some days she was to shy to soar

she allowed her wings to be clipped

so there she sat

peeking off the end of her perch

knowing that somewhere

she could

fly until she was free

she

cried

green

because most days

she envied everything that she had ever seen

wasted time wishing

pretending to be in unreachable perfections

searching for love like so many others

sitting around sulking

comparing what they had

to what she didnt

she

cried

tears

that fell like rain

and released the shackles on her soul

so now

she cried tears of joy

because the memories of her past were

just

memories

memories of her triumph

memories of the lives that have changed

memories of the pain that she overcame

she cried

and with each tear she was able to let go

with each tear she was able to free her soul

with each tear

her pain

blossomed

into the beauty of a rainbow

(?uiet da artist/copyright 2009)