royalty : #thelightyears

"It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us"

you should have seen him

no fear

his confidence

was attached to bottle rockets

soaring toward the sun

he stood

with his chest out

back straight

poised and proper

and yelled

"i am king of the world"

he was seven

and for no other reason than his declaration

in this moment

at this time

i was proud

proud that he

had not lost his innocence

but still found his voice

proud that he recognized his light

realized that he was powerful over the darkness

his world

may have only consisted of legos, a turtle that he named ninja, and deciding on which lunchable he would have today

but in this world

he had declared himself king

in this world

he had no worries

in this world

he was his own light

and i was merely a witness to his greatness

in this world

my son is a king

and whether i am a peasant

or elder

sitting on the seat of his council

just knowing that

he is king of the world

makes me feel

royal

forever : #thelightyears

this is where we start

forever

it may have been the first date

the first real conversation

the first time that we moved past our

representatives

the first time we just

were

falling

getting to know more than just the calculated hellos

we were past

shy moments of not wanting to say the wrong thing

we were honest

open

truthful

without fear of failure

i told her that i had failed

far too many times to remember

i told her that i was prone to make mistakes

i told her about my flaws

and that my sobriety

looks different because my addiction looks different

but my journey looks the same

i told her

the truth

this is how we start

forever

11:11:11 AM

it's

11:11 AM

and my first thought is

you

immediately my second thought is

they lied

the american journal for positive thinking said it took 11 weeks to get over someone

but it's been

2 years

actually it has been 2 years 3 months 13 days and 6 hours

but who's

keeping count

i find myself seeking reasons to calls you but then i dont call you because

the last time that we spoke

your voice

sounded like distance

your words sounded like the elongated pause after a statement of declaration

your heart

packed all of its emotion into the backseat until it couldnt see out of the rear window

and then you

left

drove away without ever looking back

i asked how you had been

and you said

you were doing fine

and i believed you

your words

sounded like the scars on your heart had healed

and you were better

you had driven

light years past us

past me

past the bullshit

heartbreak  

and pain

you were gone

and i

i was better

i had found peace in myself

and learned to let go of my regret

but i regret

not calling when i should

not following through on my hearts promise

not listening to the screams of my soul

i regret not making you my forever

so i guess that forever

when i notice that its 11:11 AM

my first thought

will forever be you

Genesis 1:3

and god said let there be light... #thelightyears

darkness : #thelightyears

have you ever

found yourself in the dark so long

that you stopped looking for the light

your eyes

forced themselves closed

until sight was not option

every heart

that you touched was so fragile

and broken so easily

but you kept saying

that you found them that way

she was crazy

became the slogan for every failed situation

but you

forgot to mention

that she wasnt always like that

her trust issues

were built

into the fabric of your lies

you said

trust me

but never gave her anything to trust

you said

love me

and that she did willingly

you said

if you loved me

you would trust me

but the logic in that

was similar to the logic in your lies

you lied

because you didn't want to break her heart

but your lies

broke her heart

and you

attempted to mend the pieces

by blaming her for not loving you enough

but she love you

as much as you would allow

she loved the you

that you showed her

broken

bitter

and built on the lies that you presented as promise

she loved that you

she loved you in your darkness

and all you had to do

was open your eyes

and see her
standing there in the light

12:30 AM : #thelightyears

they say it it darkest

just before the light

but nightfall seemed to come so early

and the sun

no longer shines here

here

i stand

holding more broken hearts than fulfilled promises

asking god if she

would ever be able to forgive me

i wrote down every lie that i ever told

on the backs of bible pages

then set each of them on fire

no more telling myself that i will do better the next time

this time

is the only time that matters

so this time

i want to tell you every untruth

and pray that when god hears them

she

will know that i changed

god

i have changed

so i lead

with the only honest thing that i can

hi my name is

paul

i am my father's son

son of an addict

and just like his father

i am

powerless over my own addictions

i have died

more times that i would love to count

only to be resurrected as the same

me

i am afraid of mice

and frogs

and love

fearful that my truth

was never really truth in the first place

only lies

disguised as promises

so

i will no longer promise

i will no longer tie myself to my own falsehoods

i will no longer give you less than you deserve

i will give you truth

the truth

not my truth

packaged up for your consumption

with a bow and a prayer that it aligns with the stars

i am a star

but this time

i want you to see

that in my darkest moment

i shine

just as bright as i can

and i pray

that every night

at 12:30 AM

you still look up to the heavens

and see us

shining

eternity : #thelightyears

tonight i

slit my wrist

the long way

just to make sure that all of my darkness was able to bleed out

my soul

runs dry onto the pavement

until all of my demons are gone

tonight i

died

and the news is going to say that it was suicide

but this

was my rebirth

the rewrite to my own story

this hollow shell

lays lifeless against cold bathroom floors

leaving a reminder of who i no longer wanted to be

a lifetime of bad decisions

i had become someone that i could no longer live with

so tonight

my light

decided to divorce my darkness

and ascend to stand amongst stars

tonight i

let go of past mistakes

stopped building promises on cracked foundation

i stopped pretending

that everything was alright

because nothing

was ever alright

some will say that this

this

should have never been an option

but to a heart with no options left

this was my promise

tonight i promise

to never lie again

never allow my actions

to cause tears to fall like rain

tonight i

pray for rain

so the world wont see these last tears

if anybody cries

i pray

that broken hearts mend

and they will know this was my rebirth

my ascension

my light

deciding that it no longer wanted to be confined by my mistakes

my last mistake

was not taking the time to say goodbye

but this is no goodbye

this is my light

deciding to stand with the stars

and hopefully shine forever

this is where we start forever

dear lauryn

i remember the first time that i heard your voice
it was fierce but feminine
it carried the roar of a lion
wrapped into the sweetness of a songbird

"...and after all the logic and the theory, i add a motherfucker so you ignorant niggas hear me..."

i was 6 years old when i heard that line
and that was when i knew

it was you that i wanted to follow
you were the giant on whos shoulders i wanted to stand
walk in your footsteps
find forever in your flow

i listened
intently to every lyric
memorized every movement

you were you
and i was
learning your greatness

but then you stopped
with no warning you stopped
pressed breaks against the floorboard
until tires screeched from pain
you

stopped

leaving me to find forever in what was left
pick up pieces of that which was less than perfect
and patchwork what i perceived was promise

i wanted to be you
until i realized that you were no more than me
a broken shell of what i imagined

you once said "two emcees cant occupy the same space at the same time"

but you

stopped being an emcee
walked away from every ghetto and every city as if nothing matters
you said everything is everything but left us like lost ones
and in the final hour
i realize the miseducation of you
was the miseducation of a generation

i emcee
because you no longer wanted to
and after all the logic and the theory
even though i may do it wrong sometimes
at least
i still do it

motherfucker

семья

мы боремся, но я люблю, когда мы боремся
потому что, когда мы боремся
мы составляем
и когда мы составляем
мы никогда не помню действительно, почему мы боремся
любовь
где мое сердце
и мое сердце здесь

основывается на моих корней
это мое дерево
и мои филиалы
и мои листья

это мой лес

это моя семья

(paulwroteit / авторских 2014)
(перевод Google Translate)

la familia

luchamos pero me encanta cuando nos peleamos
porque cuando nos peleamos
formamos
y cuando nos reconciliamos
nunca recordamos realmente por que luchamos
el amor es
donde esta mi corazon
y mi corazon esta aqui

basado en mis raices
este es mi arbol
y mis ramas
y mis hojas

esta es mi bosque

esta es mi familia

(paulwroteit/copyright 2014)
(translated by google translate)