open letter to God from Adam

dear God
i
started to pen this letter realizing that you already know what its going to say.
i recognize in your omnipotence you probably already have an answer planned
but before you say a word
let me explain.

you have never been alone
even in creations you said “let us”
you dont know what its like to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders
and not have anyone to just talk to
i mean i know i could have talked to you before it all happened but you created existence and sometimes i just wanted to vent
sometimes i wanted to yell
sometimes i wanted to sit in silence and be just adam

but you created me with a purpose
and in my purpose driven life there were times where i couldnt find my way
times where i seemed confused by it all
times where i was realized yes i may be created in your image but i am only a man

now i wasnt going to run away from my duties
because thats not being a man
but there were times when you werent looking that i would hide my face and  cry
i would walk by the banks of the Euphrates and question your perfection
i would ask myself what kind of God is this that would give companionship to everything else
but the one being that was created in his image
he created alone

i was alone
and in my most tender moments
you
recognized my sorrow
and created perfection

you see, i
well i was flawed
my entire existence was created in chaos
loved by you but even at my inception the angels plotted my demise
jealous of the pedestal that you placed me on
i was the only thing that separated the yin from the yang

and while both sides were pulling at my soul
there was she
perfection perfectly personified
she was more than a help meet, she was my soul mate, my friend
i knew from moment that we met that we were destined to be great
but only if we found greatness together
i was king
because you gave me dominion over everything but you knew i couldnt do it alone
so you gave me she
and together we were a kingdom

but then she fell
because i failed
i failed to give the same direction to her that you gave to me
i failed to tell her how it felt to be alone
i failed to be her protector when that puck ass serpent convinced her to fall

but God here is what i need to explain
you may think that i made a mistake
you may think that my fall from grace was just a lapse in judgement
you may think that my decision to disobey the one rule that you gave me was not a calculated thought

but you see she
was my soul mate
she was my friend
she
was my rib
so when she failed
we failed
together

now God
you may think that i didnt think this through
but i
i
i refused to do this alone
again

i refuse to walk the face of the earth
searching for something that i had already found

i refuse to let her die alone
because i failed
to protect her
so God
this is what i really need you to understand
i am only a man
flawed in my existence but created in your image
and perfected in my queen

and i just didnt want to do this alone

your first son
Adam

dear new guy

dear new guy
i probably should have taken the time to learn your name
but it seems like time our has run out
the moment i saw you
walking hand in hand with my girl-friend
excuse me
ex girlfriend
i just assumed that your name was douche bag
but for the purpose of this letter i will call you phil

so
dear phil
fuck you

where as you probably didnt even know that she already had a boyfriend
it is hard for me to hate a woman that i vowed to love forever
she and i had talked about forever
so i easily misplace my anger on you
the stranger that is holding the same hand that i wanted to place a ring on

i never thought that forever had an expiration date

i thought that she and i were like water
so as long as we were never stagnant
we were good
for something

but then came
you
phil
fuck you phil
you were worn on her smile like the end of a good book
she was a happy ending
written in a true story that we were penning daily
but our days became shorter
our nights became restless
her smile
began to attach itself to text messages and private phone calls

we
stopped doing us
because she needed to do her
said she wanted time alone
but her alone time
had her returning home smelling like unnoticeable fragrances
i once even mentioned it in conversation
and she said
it must have been something at the mall

phil she hates shopping
fuck you phil

but i
wrote that off like a one time event
but events are just one night like the superbowl or wwe raw
and this became her life
her lie became her life
you became her life

so here i sit
pistol in my lap
pen in my hand
re-writing my story
re-telling my ending

wondering if she will be just as shocked when she sees me
as i was when i saw you
holding the last hand that i thought i would ever hold

phil
i hope
they read this at my funeral
i hope she cries
i hope that one day
she sees that she killed me for you
and you
you will be holding hands with some other woman
and she will be screaming

i hate you
fuck you phil

i wish i knew you

i dont know harlem
i didnt experience what it was like to be in the midst of a renaissance
i wasnt there for langton hughes or countee cullen or james weldon johnson
i dont know their world
i know their works
i know the emotion that is invoked when i read their heart scrolled against digital pages that didnt even exist when they were writing
but i dont know
harlem

i listen
as count bassie or dizzy gillespie or louis armstrong play the soundtrack for the moment
but when i close my eyes
i dont see harlem

there are no flash back
or cut away to a different time
i grew up during in a different time
when we had forgotten about our struggles
masked our pride with false success made off of drug sales

when i close my eyes i see
fatherless homes
where women are raising our boys to be just like them
i see daughters
searching for love in desolate places
i see our pride being hustled for pennies on the dollar by the same thieves that stole our soul

i dont know
harlem

our children
may never see success like rosewood or black wall street
they may believe that ballin’ is based on bullshit
where success means selling out

who in the hell gave stepin fetchit a record deal
who in the hell gave stepin fetchit a record deal
who in the hell

my children may never hear james brown yell about black pride and understand how it charged a nation living in exile
to busy believing in love taught by lil wyane
and this is not a shot a lil wayne
but damn
where is my renaissance

i dont know harlem

i know that somewhere along the way our queens became bitches then started calling themselves kings
i know that somewhere along the way our kings became dogs then started calling themselves God
i know that our soul has been sold
like slaves on auction blocks
where parts of our very culture are picked apart and mimicked
i know that our dreams
have been placed on the shoulders of ancestors that dont even recognize who we are

harlem,
i am sorry
because i really wish i knew you

lighthouse

she needed a way out
realized that she had broken my heart far too many times for me to ever be stable
shards of my soul had splintered into pieces too small for the naked eye to see
so she stood
and watched as i tried to piece myself back together
promised me that she would help me pick up the pieces
but she had become FEMA
and this was just after broken levies
where promises seemed like lies when whispered into the ears of those who lost everything
she was my everything
but in reality her words were good intentions
with no foundation

she had never had to do this before
never had to save a man from drowning

but i was drowning
sinking deeper into the idea of us

and there she stood
on the banks of the ocean
sand in her toes
wind rushing through her hair
drinks in her hand
laughing with her friends
but out of the corner of her eye
she was watching

watching me flail my arms
and gasp for my last breath
body being pulled further away from the idea of ever falling in love again

and she was watching
not knowing if she should save me
or let me drown

she needed a way out
so she dropped life preservers into my soul
hoping i could make my way to them with out her help

that way
she wasnt saving me
but she wasnt allowing me to die

but inside i died
every moment that i realized she was willing to let me drown
i died
every time the waves floated over my head and i felt my heart going under
but watched her not care
i died

but then my soul began to tell my heart that its last breath would have to be used to save someone else
my heart began to tell my mind that today was not the day
instead of dying from my own broken heart
i would use my pen to mend someone else's
show where i went wrong
reject love for reality but help build families from my fantasies

see she was just a fantasy
a dream deferred

so i swam
harder than i had ever swam in my life
used my fear of drowning to motivate me
told myself that i would never fall again
because my heart was too fragile
and shattered like crystal when dropped even from the smallest places

she needed a way out
so this
the moment she saw me swimming again
the moment that my flailing arms became rhythmic motions
the moment she realized that i didnt need saving
because i decided to save myself

while she just stood there
watching

i guess my heart
finally letting go

yeah that

was her way out